Three Years, Seven Months, and Twenty Three Days
by spottedhorse
Summary: It has been 3 years, 7 months, and 23 days since Anthony walked out of the church, leaving Edith alone and in turmoil. A chance sighting brings all the heartache back.
1. Chapter 1

I'm doing something I told myself I'd never do again and that's posting multiple multi chapter stories at once. I have LIAJ running here with a conclusion yet to be determined and another one going in another fandom that also is a bit open ended. But this one has been playing in my head for weeks and weeks and I can't ignore it any longer. It means I'll probably keep posting with the same frequency overall but the time between posts in each story might be a little longer. I sure hope it proves to be worth the chaos in my mind, lol. More imortant, I hope you find it agreeable.

* * *

Had Lady Edith Crawley stepped into the car a few seconds earlier or turned this way instead of that, her eyes wouldn't have caught a mere glimpse of him across the road. But she wasn't earlier and she didn't turn and consequently, her eyes were drawn to the very familiar head as he stood looking down at a woman. The woman said something that made him laugh; well, not laugh exactly for Sir Anthony Strallan rarely really laughed. But he had a way of throwing back his head slightly with his mouth open and his eyes sparkling before his mouth closed into a very crooked but delightful smile..

She hadn't seen him in over three years; three years, seven months, and twenty three days to be exact. A lot had changed in that time; she had changed. But one thing hadn't changed, she realized. She was still in love with him.

His hair was not quite as blonde but the waves and soft curls at his collar were still there. So was the sling, the constant reminder of the horrible injury that had been done to him in war and had left him with even less confidence in himself than he'd had when she had first known him.

Edith took a moment to study the woman that was with him. She was tall for a woman, making it unnecessary for Anthony to bend down to hear what she was saying. From the distance, Edith couldn't make out her features exactly but she seemed to be attractive. Her hair was dark with touches of grey showing and Edith surmised the woman was closer to Anthony in age, perhaps in her early forties. While she was well dressed, it wasn't opulent. And as the woman reached up and patted Anthony on the cheek, Edith felt a tightening in her abdomen. She was jealous.

He looks happy, she thought petulantly. I could have made him happy. Why wouldn't he let me? It was a question she had been asking herself for the last three years, seven months, and twenty three days… well, perhaps not every day in that time. The driver cleared his throat, bringing Edith out of her trance. Quickly she climbed in the car, still watching Anthony across the road even though she felt it was torture.

Across the road, Anthony Strallan was oblivious to the proximity of Lady Edith. He wouldn't have been so very relaxed if he had known. Instead, he was engaged in an amusing conversation with the friend of his cousin. Ella Brumstead was visiting from Dorset and staying in the home of his cousin, Felicity Haversham. Felicity was just a few months younger than Anthony and the two had been very close as children. Later, she married Earnest Borden, a solicitor in Portsmouth and the two rarely saw one another as adults. However, Earnest was in London for an extended period, involved in a criminal case of some import and Anthony had been staying at Strallan House for several months. Consequently, he and Felicity had renewed their relationship and he'd attended several dinner parties at the Borden's. He'd met Ella Brumstead at one of those dinners.

He was at ease around Ella. While she was comfortably situated, her late husband having left her a small fortune, she wasn't part of the aristocracy. The story of his treatment of Lady Edith Crawley had made all around that circle, making social engagements prickly for him. Ella didn't travel in the same circles and consequently didn't seem to know about his disgrace. She was also pleasant to be around, witty and intelligent. They'd shared tea a few times and he'd asked her to join him for the theatre the previous week. Felicity had teased him about his courtship, which had sent him into a panic. He wasn't courting anybody, he'd insisted. He was too old for such nonsense. Besides, he thought, he could never be truly happy with anyone but Edith. Still, Ella was a pleasant distraction and lifted his spirits.

"So will you be at Felicity's tonight?" he asked Ella.

"Yes, she's planned quite an event if I understand her correctly… something to do with Earnest winning his case."

"Yes, it made all the papers," Anthony shared. "I knew he had a successful practice but I never realized how important he has become."

Ella smiled. "Yes, well…so, I'll see you tonight then?"

"I look forward to it," he said, tipping his hat before seeing her into her car. Sighing as he watched her car pull away, Anthony wished he could feel more for Ella than he did. But his heart belonged to Edith and that was the simple truth. Every other woman failed miserably in any sort of comparison. Suddenly his good mood was gone and he was left with the usual melancholy that came with any thoughts of Edith. He could only guess as to what their marriage would have been like; he knew precisely how lonely his life was without her in it.

That night, he forced himself to attend Felicity's dinner; after all, he had promised to be there. He knew Ella was expecting things from him that he couldn't give, that she had feelings for him that he couldn't return. He was being unfair to her he concluded and was determined to make it clear to her at the party that there could be no future for her with him.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for your wonderful response to the opening chapter. This is shaping up to be quite a bit different than anything else I've written for the Andith ship. There will be some rough waters ahead for our ship.

* * *

Edith was staying at her Aunt Rosamund's home since she was only in London for a few days. She'd finally untangled herself from the mess left in the wake of Michael Gregson's disappearance. It would be a few more years before he could be declared dead and his estate settled entirely, but for now it was mostly in the hands of his very capable solicitor. She was relieved in that sense. Whatever it had been that she had felt for Michael had faded; the only lasting part of the relationship was the daughter that was living at the Drewe farm. She loved the little girl completely, even though she would never be able to claim the child as hers. But even thoughts of the girl made Edith sad; she was growing to look more and more like her mother and soon a decision would have to be made. The child couldn't remain at Downton much longer; the chance of discovery was too great. Granny and Aunt Rosamund had been right about not bringing the baby home, Edith had realized. But she wouldn't have traded this time for anything. Seeing her baby girl regularly had been the only thing keeping her sane.

"Edith dear, will you be alright alone this evening?" Rosamund Painswick asked her niece. "It's just that, Phlippy Barnsworth has asked me to accompany him tonight to some dinner. It is meant to be a celebratory affair now that the trial has ended. I thought you would be out so I accepted but if you need me here, I'll beg off."

"No I'll be fine, Aunt Rosamund. I have an article to finish writing anyway. Please, don't change your plans because of me."

"Well alright, if you're certain," Rosamund replied as she looked worriedly at her niece. "Are you sure? You don't look fine…"

"Yes, I'm sure. I just… I had a bit of a shock today but I'm fine."

"Shock? What happened?" Rosamund's concern grew.

"Oh, its nothing really; I just saw Anthony Strallan while I was out."

"Anthony Strallan? No one's heard much from him in ages, since… well, you know."

"Yes, … it was just a glimpse from across the road. I just hadn't expected it and it unsettled me."

"But you are alright now, you say?"

"Yes, yes… feeling much better. Please, enjoy your evening. Is there anything we need to know about this Plippy Barnsworth? What kind of name is that anyway…Phlippy

Rosamund smiled. "Nothing serious if that is what you are implying. No, I've known Phlippy, Phillip, for years. He handled Marmaduke's business matters, legal things. His wife died last year and he's just beginning to be social again. This dinner party is at the home of one of his legal partners. Apparently they won a big case and are celebrating. Phlippy needed a lady on his arm and asked me if I was game."

"Well, I hope you enjoy and I'll see you in the morning then," Edith smiled. "I'm going to finish this article and then go to bed, I think."

Rosamund left a little while later in her usual flourish, leaving Edith alone with her thoughts. The image of Anthony kept popping into her head as she tried to put the finishing touches on her article. Finally satisfied that it was right, she slipped the written pages into a folder that she would deliver at the paper tomorrow and began preparing for bed. Finally ready for bed, she slipped under the covers and drifted into a fitful sleep full of dreams about a tall, handsome man with startling blue eyes.

Anthony was stuck in a corner chatting with Ella and one of Felicity's other friends, Morris Smythe, wishing he could be anyplace else. Ella was her usual delightful self but Mr. Smythe was so abrasive he could peel paper off the wall. An engineer of some sort, Smythe had grabbed onto part of the conversation Anthony was having with another bloke, Roger Martin, about some new farm machinery. As soon as Smythe had joined the discussion, Martin had moved away. Anthony was stuck, however, the rather large man standing between him and freedom.

Thankfully they were interrupted by another chap addressing Ella. "Mrs. Brumstead, it's so nice to see you again," the man said cheerily. Ella looked up and returned the man's smile. "Plippy Barnsworth! I haven't seen you in ages." Then turning to Anthony, she continued. "Sir Anthony Strallan, may I present Phlippy, I mean Phillip Barnsworth. He is an old chum of my late husband."

Barnsworth smiled and greeted Anthony and then turned to the woman beside him, who Anthony recognized immediately. As the other man opened his mouth to make the introductions, Rosamund Panswick spoke in a clipped tone, "Sir Anthony and I are already acquainted. His estate is near my brother's in Yorkshire."

Anthony nodded, nerves suddenly threatening to overwhelm him. "Lady Rosamund, how nice to see you again."

"If only I could say the same," she snipped as she glared at him.

Just then Smythe's wife retrieved him. Barnsworth and Ella fell into conversation, leaving Anthony and Rosamund standing mutely, staring at one another. Anthony wanted to ask after Edith, needed to hear how she was doing. But Lady Rosamund was like ice as she glared at him, so he remained quiet, slowly retreating into himself.

Then Barnsworth tugged Ella away to meet someone, leaving Anthony and Rosamund completely alone in the corner. She turned to step away and then stepped back, looking at him once again. "You hurt Edith very deeply, you know," she accused.

"Yes, I… there is no excuse; I should have never let things get so far."

"Why did you, if you knew it was a bad idea?"

Anthony swallowed, choking back the bile that was rising in this throat. "I … I do love her, you know. That's why I couldn't go through with it; tie her to me like that. She's still young, has so much to do and see. I would only hold her back. But it was so difficult, trying to keep her at arms length, trying to push her away and seeing how it hurt her. And… she made me feel… alive again."

Roasamund stared at him, assessing him like a prize pig at a fair. "She's made a mess of her life because of it, you know… and right now, she is very unhappy. And seeing you this afternoon seems to have saddened her even more."

"What?" He was suddenly alert, his blue eyes nearly burning into her with intensity. "I didn't see her this afternoon…"

"Perhaps not, but she saw you and came back to the house worse than I have seen her in months. Honestly Anthony, I wish you would just fall off the earth. But not before explaining to her in a way she can let go of you."

"You say she's unhappy? Surely not still because of me?"

"In part; there are other things that have happened."

"Other things? What other things? She's not ill, is she?" Anthony was frightened now, afraid for Edith.

"Ill? Not in the physical sense. But she is wounded, by you and by… well, it's not my place…"

Anthony was about to respond, ask more questions and get better answers when dinner was announced. He spent the rest of the evening trying to get close enough to Roasamund again to get more information. But it wasn't to be, she and Phillip Barnsworth left shortly after the men joined the women in the drawing room.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning at breakfast Edith asked her aunt how the dinner party was. Rosamund shrugged, "about as you might expect. I really didn't know many people there, except …"

Edith looked up as Rosamund suddenly took an interest in her toast. "Who was there… an old flame?" Edith teased.

"Not of mine," Rosamund shot back, looking at Edith intently.

Edith's mouth hung open as it clicked. "He…he was there?"

"Yes. The dinner was at the house of his cousin. He was interested in hearing about you. I find it hard to believe, but I think the man is in love with you still. After what he did, I wouldn't have thought that he loved you at all but he became quite agitated when I told him you are unhappy and he is to blame, in part."

"Aunt Rosamund, you didn't!" Edith was horrified. "You told him I am unhappy?"

"I did. I know he wanted to know more but I avoided him the rest of the evening. He looked quite disheartened when last I saw him."

"But why did you tell him?"

Rosamund shrugged. "He deserves to know what he did, what havoc he caused in your life. And if he is anything like he was when we were children, he'll feel quite guilty, as he should."

Edith was upset but she knew any further effort to explain why to her aunt would only make things worse. Rosamund simply didn't understand. How could she when Edith couldn't quite understand her feelings either? But she did know that she didn't want Anthony to suffer as Rosamund wanted. Edith suspected that Anthony's sufferings were what led him to desert her in the first place. Like a feather drifting through her mind, she also thought of how much she still loved him.

Then another thought wafted through; Rosamund and Anthony had known each other as children. Of course they had, she reminded herself; Papa had known him all along as well. But she'd never had the impression they were close. But apparently Rosamund had known him well enough to understand how he thinks.

That night as she drifted off to sleep an image played in her head, one of Anthony and Rosamund together. Were they just friends, her active mind asked? Was there something more? Edith sat straight up in bed as if someone had pinched her. Why was Rosamund so antagonistic toward him? All along Edith had believed the two barely knew one another but perhaps there was more, perhaps they had once been more to one another?

She tried to piece it together in her mind. Aunt Rosamund was older than Papa by two years. Anthony, Edith knew, was a year older than she. So they might have… but no, it was impossible; it couldn't be… Edith spent the rest of the night restlessly, her mind in turmoil almost as much as her emotions.

The next morning she tried to prod Rosamund over breakfast. "You knew Anthony as a child?" she began.

"Of course I did, Edith," Rosamund answered in a huff. "His father and your GrandPapa used to hunt together frequently. Lady Strallan was a friend with MaMa and consequently he and his sister visited often with her."

Edith was quiet for a moment before asking, "What was he like?"

"What? Anthony? Very much like he's always been, only shorter."

"Yes, but was he as bookish or did he follow along on the hunts or…well, I'm just curious."

Rosamund looked at her sternly. "He did follow on the hunts when he was older. I remember when we were small his hair was so blonde it was almost white. And of course, he always had those eyes. But he was always so very shy. Papa said it was because his father was too stern but I think it is just his nature. He learned to overcome it but he was always saying just the wrong things at the wrong time and of course it didn't help when he was growing so rapidly that he was all arms and legs. When we were older and attending balls and what not, he was such an elegant dancer with those long legs; all the girls wanted to dance with him but he was so shy he only asked the girls that he knew well. Does that answer your curiosity?"

"Were you one of the girls he danced with?"

Rosamund sighed and looked sad. "Yes, for a season or two. Then he met Maude and he only danced with her. They were a good match I suppose, both awkward and shy."

Edith looked down at her plate. So Rosamund had feelings for him, she surmised. But did he reciprocate? And if he did, why did he settle for Maude? And more to the point, was she, Edith, a poor substitute for Rosamund in his mind? Is that why he didn't go through with the wedding? Had he been attracted because she reminded him of Rosamund when they were younger? Everybody said she looked more like her aunt than anyone else. Of course, she'd never possessed her aunt's beauty or panache. Had he looked at her on their wedding day and suddenly realized all of that? Her thoughts left Edith in a glum mood for the rest of the morning.

Anthony, in the meantime, was fretful all morning. What Lady Rosamund had said upset him beyond measure. Edith was unhappy and it was his fault. What a coward he was, he reflected. For months he had convinced himself that he had done what he had done out of love but slowly he had accepted the truth. Faced with a bride who was so much younger and more vivacious than he was, he's panicked and fled. He'd thought it for the best, hoped she would recover quickly from her narrow escape to a life tied to him, and would move on to someone more suitable. God, he hated that word…suitable.

The bubble had burst the other night in the face of Rosamund's wrath. Of course, she expected it of him, that he would fail her niece so miserably just as he'd failed her so many years before. But it had been different with Rosamund. Their courtship, if one could call it even that, had been brief. Painfully shy and awkward, he'd basked for a few months in her light, dancing with her at every ball and calling on her for tea.

Rosamund had been more spirited than even Edith, often doing things just to spite her mother. He only realized it at the very end however, on a night where he barely escaped a colossal mistake. She'd encouraged him to walk with her into the gardens at the Maddingley's ball. He knew it wasn't proper but he also knew several of his mates had taken young ladies out into dark gardens, so he decided to swallow his hesitance and be bold. Away from the music and the lights, he'd kissed her as he'd never kissed a young lady before and she had responded. Youthful enthusiasm took over and before he knew what was happening, her hand was in his pants and his in her knickers. Only the laughter of a nearby couple brought him to his senses. She'd slapped him when he suggested they had gone too far.

Anthony smiled nostalgically as his hand rubbed his left cheek, as if the slap had only just happened. The slap awakened in him the realization that the two were not a good match. He would always be shy and tentative; no, she was far too vibrant for a bore like him and he would make her unhappy in the end. He'd said farewell at the end of the ball and never danced with her again. The first thing he noticed about Edith when they met on that fateful night at Downton was how very much like Rosamund she seemed to be. Further inspection during their many rides during that blissful summer revealed how very different Edith really was from her aunt and he fell inextricably in love for what he knew would be the last time in his life. And now he had hurt her, beyond repair apparently. He mulled the situation and decided he must speak with Edith, find a way and help her heal, try to help her move on, move towards happiness.

After thinking the situation through for several days and no solution presenting itself, he decided to talk to Lady Rosamund again. She would be honest, painfully so and an honest evaluation of matters was what he needed. He called her home and was mildly surprised when she actually took the call.

"Yes," she said into the mouthpiece.

"Lady Rosamund, its Anthony Strallan. I'm calling to ask your help…"

"My help? Help with what, if I may ask."

"Lady Edith."

Rosamund sighed into the phone. "You want me to help you …what, slink back to into her life so you can disappoint her again?"

"Not at all, I want …I hope to … you said she is unhappy and I want…I need to help her …find happiness."

"With you, I suppose?"

"What? No, not…no. I am clearly too old for her and with my arm… no. But I thought…if I could explain, let her know that it was me, that I was…am the problem, not her."

"Too late. Look, she is going back to Yorkshire early this afternoon. Come for tea and we will talk. She will have left. But I warn you, if you hurt her again…"

"I have no wish to hurt her, only to help if I can."

"Then I'll see you for tea."

"Yes…thank you."

Edith had left London by the time Anthony arrived at Rosamund's door. "Thank you for letting me speak with you," Anthony said humbly once the tea had been brought into the drawing room.

"It is against my better judgment," Rosamund. "And don't think I am not still angry with you for what you did."

"No, of course not…" Anthony replied as he shifted in his chair uncomfortably.

"Just to satisfy my curiosity, why _did_ you ask her to marry you, Anthony? I can't imagine that it never occurred to you before that day that you might be too old or that your arm might be a problem."

"No, of course not. I…I never intended to take up with her again after the war. We spent quite a lot of time together before and I intended to propose to her then but…" Anthony grew quiet as he remembered that pivotal day when Mary had lied to him. If only he hadn't listened to her.

"But what? Did you realize the folly then?"

"What? No," he answered as her words brought him out of his musings. "I …mmmm, I was told something that discouraged me. Then war was declared and I was wounded and… I really had no intention of imposing myself on her again."

"What changed?"

"Your mother invited me to tea one afternoon and Edith was there. The Countess knew nothing of my arm or I'm quite sure she would not have arranged our meeting. After that day, Edith came around to Locksley and I tried telling her…" he sighed. "I tried to tell her it was no use but she was persistent, you see. Robert asked me to end it and I tried. I wrote a note to Edith explaining but then as suddenly as he asked me to end things, he invited me back. Somehow I found myself proposing. But I was never comfortable about it at all. I tried to talk to Robert about it before the wedding but…"

"Yes, Robert can be rather dense at times." A quiet moment passed before Rosamund asked, "So your solution was to leave her at the altar? Really Anthony, I would think you might find a better way."

"I didn't intend to do it. As uneasy as I was about the whole thing, I really did love her; still do. Nerves set in as I stood there waiting and then I overheard something which completely undid me."

"Overheard something? What could anyone have said then that would unnerve you so?"

"Hmmm… Well, Reverend Travers made a comment to…to someone about me seeming nervous and well there were whispers about my ability to … well, comments about Maud being a tough act to follow…or repeat." He grew somber as he remembered the whispers. "And …I knew then, without a doubt, that marrying me was the worst possible thing for Edith. She is so vibrant and intelligent and funny and… lovely," he said enthusiastically.

Rosamund studied him momentarily. "It was my mother, wasn't it? The someone…"

Anthony looked at her warily. "I can't blame her. Edith is her family; of course, she would want only the best for her granddaughter."

"From what little Edith has said to me about the whole affair, she thought you were the best for her. She still mourns it, you know, and she is making some rather unwise decisions as a result."

"As you suggested the other night. I don't wish to pry but I find it quite unsettling."

"She was seeing her editor and after you jilted her, she was vulnerable to his…charms. Now he has disappeared and left her in a very awkward situation."

Anthony frowned. "Awkward?"

"Very awkward," Rosamund confirmed. "She is in need of a husband, Anthony; and quickly."

Anthony went weak as understanding settled over him. "She…she's…" He could barely breathe, the news was so crushing. "It isn't true; it can't be. It isn't why I freed her. She was to …to …" He looked at Rosamund's unrelenting glare and fell silent for a moment. "Oh god…" he finally muttered as he sank deeper into his chair. "Does…do her parents know?"

"No and they are not to be told. I don't think she could bear it. But my mother knows; she put the bits and pieces together and drew all the correct conclusions."

"Ho…how …" Anthony stuttered as he absorbed Rosamund's announcement. "How much time until…until she… oh god…"

Rosamund watched the anguish wash over his face, his entire body actually, and felt a smidgen of pity for the man across from her. She knew he would blame himself when he had time to think about it and it would torture him. But her niece needed help and as she watched her former fiancé, Rosamund thought that he might very well be the best solution. "She has several more months, about five I believe."

"Why…why hasn't she done something?"

"She tried to …to get rid of it but she couldn't. I was there, went with her and …she just couldn't go through with it. I am relieved, I must admit. Horrid business…"

Anthony simply stared at her horror-struck. "I didn't mean….no, I'm glad she didn't and that you were there and have supported her. What I meant was, well… certainly there are eligible young men who she could have…married." Rosamund thought Anthony looked sick as he spoke. "Or perhaps she could travel?"

"No eligible young men, I'm afraid. And I was planning to take her away for the last few months, leave before things become obvious. I thought…Switzerland. One can be quite anonymous there."

"Yes, that's good," Anthony said as his mind began to focus. "But the …child?"

"Will have to be given up…adopted."

Anthony swallowed with some difficulty. Edith wouldn't handle that well, he knew. "That might present difficulties."

"Yes, I know. But I will simply be firm with her. I must, for her sake."

An idea began to form in Anthony's mind. "What if…I might go to Switzerland, meet the two of you there? If I could convince her to forgive me, perhaps we might marry and I would raise the child as mine. No one ever need know. And it would be on her terms; I wouldn't expect her to…"

"It would be far too obvious, Anthony, when the two of you returned with a baby who was conceived long before your marriage."

"Yes, but people might think we had only corrected an error in timing, rather than have the idea that Edith…that she… well, you know how people gossip."

"And you don't think her sudden marriage to you after you walked away from her at the church would feed the gossip. Besides, you are assuming far too much in thinking she might forgive you. You hurt her deeply."

"But… something must be done. Edith should not be forced to give up her child."

Rosamund sighed. "We leave for Switzerland in two weeks. I don't see any other solution and as much as I hate being in agreement with her, my mother does agree. Edith cannot keep the child."

As Anthony watched her face, he realized Rosamund would not help him. She and the Dowager had a plan and would not be deterred. But Edith… He couldn't imagine that she would ever recover. He had to find a way to help her.

He left soon after, both he and Roasamund understanding that they were not together in their beliefs about Edith and the help she needed. Rosamund's warning rang in his ears as he made his way back home. "Don't come to Switzerland, Anthony. You'll make this mess even worse."

By the time he reached his front door step, Anthony had come to the only reasonable conclusion. He would return to Yorkshire and find a way to meet with Edith there. If she didn't want to marry him, then he would find another way to help her. But help her, he would.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a murky, cloudy day when Anthony disembarked at the rail station in Ripon. The weather matched his mood. He had no way of knowing how Edith might receive him but from Rosamund's comments, he thought the meeting would be contentious at best.

The drive to Locksley seemed longer than usual but Anthony couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped him when the car pulled to the door. He was home again; home to the place he loved most and coming home always gave his spirits a boost. But as he made his way inside and into his favorite room, the library, all he could think was how very empty the old house felt. It had been full of life when Maude was alive and even after she passed there was something comforting about the rooms. But after the prospect of Edith living there with him blew apart, the house just seemed hollow, like his heart.

As he looked around the room, his eyes perusing the spines of his book collections, Anthony's thoughts were varied. He wanted to do whatever he could to help Edith but he realized that in doing so, it might bring some life back into his home as well. Yes, a wife and child would most certainly brighten the place quite a bit. Was he being selfish then, to want to bring Edith and her baby back here? He mulled the question in his mind and decided that perhaps…a little; but it also served a greater purpose. Edith could keep her child.

Confident in his plans, Anthony began to instruct his staff about arrangements, cleaning the upstairs rooms and constructing a nursery. If she refused him, the house would have an empty nursery again but Anthony supposed he could simply shut the door and not open it. No one need ever know why Locksley had an unused nursery. But if he was to convince Edith, he knew he would need to show her the depth of his commitment and that meant preparing the house for her and her baby.

The next step of his plan was more complicated. He had to arrange to meet her without it looking as if he planned it. For that, he needed to have an idea of her movements. Did she ever even leave Downton when she was there? He knew he couldn't just go driving up to the front of the abbey and demand to see her. No, the meeting should be someplace neutral, he concluded. But how could he ever orchestrate that?

Luck was with him. He had ventured into the village on an errand when he spied her leaving Crawley House. But how could he approach her, especially in the middle of the village? After a moment's thought he had Carl drive slowly to the edge of the village near the path that she would take back to Downton….assuming she had walked, of course. He sighed with relief when he saw her coppery curls over a hedge row as she made her way to the path. Then absolute fear took hold.

He forced himself out of the car and took the few strides to the head of the path, his mind swirling. He'd planned something to say if he got the chance but suddenly his mind was blank, devoid of even the ability to think. He swallowed, looked at his feet, closed his eyes, and gathered his courage.

The sound of her footsteps alerted him to her presence. She slowed her pace as she saw him standing there and he looked up just in time to see her looking over her shoulder, clearly contemplating a retreat.

"Edith," he called to her frantically as he moved toward her.

She froze, her initial expression of surprise changing to fear and sadness. "Anthony," she choked out.

He closed in carefully. She looked like a rabbit about to spring away. "I…I hoped I could speak with you." Her eyes widened and before she could bolt, he scrambled to convince her. "I know I have no right to ask. It's just… well, I… I spoke with your aunt, Lady Rosamund, the other night and she…she said…"

"She told you I am unhappy," Edith said obviously resigned o his inquiry.

"Yes, she did. And then I spoke with her again and she told me why. Edith, I…"

She shook her head as tears began to gather in her eyes. "Please don't."

He was confused. "Don't what?"

"Whatever it was you were about to say…don't. You made your opinion quite clear the day of our wedding…our failed wedding. You wanted me to move on without you and after awhile, I did. It isn't your fault and it isn't your problem. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am expected home for tea."

She moved to step past him and he fell in beside her, frantically trying to think of something, anything to say that might make her pause and listen to him. He was blank however. After a few steps, she let out a loud huff and stopped, turning to him with a glare. "Are you planning to follow me home?"

"If that is what it takes for you to speak with you a moment," he shot back. "I only want you to be happy Edith; it is all I ever wanted."

"Well then, you've made a miserable mess of it haven't you?" Tears began to seep out of her eyes.

Anthony felt his heart breaking into tiny fragments at the sight of her so distraught. "Yes, I have," he admitted. "And I'd like to try to make it up to you…help you if I can. Lady Rosamund said you were going to Switzerland, that you'd leave your ba…" he glanced around unsure of what ears might be nearby. "…your troubles there."

"That's the plan, yes…her plan I might add. It seems I have no say in the matter, especially since Granny agrees with her."

"I offered to meet you there to…" he paused nervously. "I thought that if no other solutions became available that I might…we might… marry and then…"

"What? Trade one set of problems for another? You don't want to be married to me, Anthony. You made that unambiguous, remember?"

"If that is what you believe then I was most imprecise. I wanted to marry you, have always wanted that but I had to look beyond my own desires to your happiness. I thought someone younger, healthier, more…virile would be better for you... have the ability to make you happy for far longer than I. What I hadn't anticipated was that someone might take advantage of your vulnerabilities and…and leave you in such an untenable position."

Edith scoffed. "My vulnerabilities? No one took advantage of me, Anthony. I was with him willingly, stayed with him willingly and didn't regret it after; I still don't. But it seems he has disappeared and I am quite literally left holding the bag."

"You…you loved him then?" Anthony's heart sank like a rock.

"I did…I do."

He closed his eyes against the tide of hurt and disappointment that washed over him and then took a deep breath. "It doesn't change things, Edith. You need a …a solution, if you will, and I could be it. Your…friend… hasn't returned and you are still in need of support."

"How? By marrying me now? What, am I damaged goods and now somehow more deserving of you…or is it the other way around, Anthony? Do you now think that since I am damaged goods, you deserve me?"

"No! I…I never….that's wrong…you shouldn't believe that."

"Why shouldn't I? You never believed that I loved you, did you Anthony?"

"Yes, I did," he replied sheepishly. "It's just that..."

"Just what?"

"I couldn't quite believe it was real or that it would last. And it hasn't, has it? You moved on; you don't love me any longer….which is good because your love depended on taking care of me…depended upon me needing you in that way and that would eventually lead to resentment."

"My love meant I was willing to help you however you needed me to, Anthony. But it wasn't dependent on you needing me. I loved you before your injury. Do you at least remember that?"

"Oh Edith, that was…you were still just a child really. I was wrong to…"

Her slap stung his face as the sound rang out in the still air. "You are impossible!" she exclaimed.

Stunned, all he could do was stare at her. Her face was red with anger, her eyes glittering with fury. "I might have been young but I was not a child. And I did love you," she shouted. "I always loved you; then, through the war, after the war, even when you walked away from me at the church. And although I can't think of any reason why I should, I still love you!"

Her outburst was even more astonishing than her slap. Anthony stood frozen, his eyes wide with wonder as he let her words sink in. "You…you love me?" He couldn't quite grasp that she might mean what she said.

She began to cry in earnest. "Yes."

Before he could think, before he could reason himself out of it, he pulled her to him with his one good arm and he kissed her as he'd never kissed her before. And she returned his ardor!

"Please Edith; please… give me another chance?"

"I…I don't know…" she stuttered. "I need to think."

"Yes…I understand," he agreed as he slowly loosened his grasp. "How much time do you need? I…I know time is critical but I want you to be certain."

"Meet me tomorrow. Meet me in the churchyard."

"Yes, alright. When?"

"After luncheon, I think."

"Tomorrow then," he said as he took a step back.

She nodded tentatively before turning to walk home. Anthony watched her until she disappeared from sight, still stunned by the turn of events.


	5. Chapter 5

Edith fought the tears that rushed to her eyes. She had admonished herself time and again for crying over Anthony Strallan and suddenly he was back in her life bringing fresh tears. As she approached Downton, her pace slowed and she decided to sit on a bench under a large oak to give herself time to recover. As the tears abated and she dried her face, she reviewed Anthony's appearance in her mind's eyes.

He'd been so nervous, almost frantic to get her listen to him. She couldn't remember ever seeing him so determined. And he'd looked sad, especially when she said she loved Michael. And when she had told him she still loved him… he'd wanted to believe it and she saw hope in his expression. But then his old shyness and insecurity reappeared when she said she needed time to think. Had she scared him off? Edith didn't think she could stand it if he disappeared again.

But could she marry him, let him take care of her and her baby? He was correct that it would make things easier; she could keep the baby. But at what cost? Trying to look into the future, she tried to imagine what marriage to Anthony might be. Would they truly be a couple?

Edith had seen enough of her parent's marriage to know that was the kind of marriage she wanted. The Earl and Countess of Grantham had been through difficult times and there had been times when they both looked like they might break, especially after Sybil's death. But they always came closer together. And now… Edith sighed. She wanted nothing more than to have a man look at her the way her Papa looked at her Mama. Was Anthony that man? Would his eyes light whenever she walked into the room?

She let her mind wander back to their engagement. He had been that man then. He had looked at her with such adoration. But there was always something else there too, something in his expression that reminded her of a patient tutor tolerating a misguided student. Would he look at her without that moderation? Would that expression ever be replaced by complete devotion …passion even? Then she remembered the expression on his face when their lips had parted just a few moments ago and she knew he would. But would it last? Could it in the face of her family, society, and the whispering?

Edith knew Anthony better than he'd ever thought. She knew that while he could be quite strong in most things, his heart was fragile. In that lovely summer before the war, she'd discovered the depths of his ability to love in his few and largely restrained references to his wife. Her death had wounded him deeply and shaken his confidence. Angrily Edith remembered Mary's hand in his retreat. Mary had hurt Anthony far more than she had hurt her intended target, Edith.

The war had shaken him even more. Edith could only guess at the horrors he'd witnessed, been a part of, and been a victim of. She knew about the injury to his arm. She had sensed the injuries to his spirit. And she'd been a victim of his loss of confidence. Would he flee again, perhaps not physically but in every other way?

Was there any hope of a real marriage?

Edith sighed, unable to answer her internal questioning. She wished there was someone to whom she could confide and ask for advice. But there was no one. Rosamund was against him along with the rest of her family. And as hard as she tried, she couldn't think of anyone…

Anthony's night was agony; he barely slept. By sunrise he was standing at his window looking across the fields in the general direction of Downton and wondering what Edith was thinking. He'd tried to be practical, to acknowledge that even if she accepted him, it would likely be a marriage of convenience rather than one of love. No, that wasn't correct. The kiss yesterday, his reaction to all she said, it all brought his feelings for her boiling to the surface. He loved her.

He closed his eyes as if it would block the surge of emotion, the absolute need he felt just to have her near him. Would she accept him? And if she did, would she let him near her? He'd happily grovel just for a little time with her each day, just to sit and talk, to admire her. He understood that she might not want the other…aspects of marriage, not with him anyway, but he hoped they could have an understanding…something more than friendship. He also knew he would do anything she asked of him.

Carl drove him to the village but Anthony instructed him to wait in the center and Anthony walked to the churchyard. He arrived early; he knew would when he left Locksley an hour before necessary for his meeting with Edith. But he simply could not sit and wait any longer.

He paced the grounds, his nervousness growing with each step. His mind spun with all the possibilities. She could rebuff him outright. In all honesty, it was what he expected. But a part of him, the part that resided in his heart, hoped she would not. But that thought created fresh turmoil. Could he manage his emotions if she married him in name only?

He found himself standing in front of Maude's headstone. It was cold and gray and so devoid of any of her warmth. Kneeling in front of it, he traced her name with his finger. Then he traced the date of her death, May 12, 1911. He tried to recall her face but all he could remember was the lifeless face in her small portrait that sat on the chest in his bedroom.

Marriage had suited him. He enjoyed having someone with which he could share his thoughts and the little things of living, daily events, small moments that made the trials of life livable. He'd been alone for far too long but there just wasn't anyone who he could imagine sharing those things with other than Edith. He closed his eyes and exhaled. "Please let her say yes," he whispered to Maude or any other spirit that might be listening. Looking up at the blue sky, he repeated his prayer, "Please God….please."

Hearing footsteps along the path, Anthony stood and turned, expecting to see Edith he was surprised when Lady Grantham appeared. He stared momentarily, unsure of how to react. Had Edith sent her or was she there on her own mission? Lady Sybil's grave was just a few rows over.

She stopped on the path a feet from him. "Sir Anthony," she said softly, her expression and demeanor calm and pleasant as always.

"Lady Grantham," he replied. "How very nice to see you."

"Is it?" She took a step closer. "You seem… uneasy. Perhaps you believe I might still be angry that you left my daughter at the altar?"

Anthony bowed his head slightly. "You would have every right… I behaved abominably and have regretted it since the moment it happened."

"So Edith has told me," she said flatly.

"Yes…right. So she told you of our meeting yesterday?"" Anthony wanted to be careful with his words. Edith told him her parents didn't know about the baby and he doubted that that had changed.

"She was …upset last night… and this morning. I finally made her talk to me. She told me you have proposed marriage, again."

"Yes. I… I know I don't deserve…"

Lady Grantham sighed. "Sir Anthony…" she took another step closer. "Anthony." She looked up at him with piecing blue eyes. "You didn't deserve to be treated as you were by her family. I believe we all had the same concerns and Robert confessed to me later that he might have brushed aside your inquiry into his feelings about the matter. I'm afraid the Dowager Countess had undue influence in the matter. Robert wasn't thrilled that his daughter was to marry a man his age but he also saw that it was what Edith wanted and was making peace with it. She hasn't had many prospects; she is different than most of the daughters of our class. I think Robert realized that age aside, you were the most suitable candidate."

"My age and…my arm," Anthony said as he pointed to his sling.

"Well, yes…there is that. But honestly, so many of our men came back with far worse injuries."

Anthony accepted her assessment thoughtfully. "Any you, Lady Grantham? What were your feelings on the matter?"

"I was concerned," she admitted. "But I also saw how happy Edith was in your company. And I know you would have done anything to make her happy, so I accepted it. Since then, however…"

Anthony frowned, wondering what might have changed.

Her yes looked past him as they filled with tears. "Since then I've learned that we can't know what tomorrow might bring and we should take whatever happiness we can find…not squander the opportunity." Her eyes settled back on him. "I believe you would have made Edith very happy. I believe you still could. But I will warn you to be prepared for resistance from Robert and his mother. That is…if she accepts you. When I spoke with her this morning, she was still struggling with that. I should go before she comes to meet you but I wanted this opportunity to tell you that while I might not fully be in your camp, I am fully in Edith's. If she decides you are what she wants then I will support your marriage in every way I can. But be sure Anthony; be very sure that you will not disappoint her again or you will find that I can be your worst enemy."

Anthony was struck by the iron firmness of her voice. He knew she meant every word. With a reluctant grin, he nodded. "I am glad that Edith has your support. I believe she has felt very alone at times, not realizing she could depend upon your backing."

She fixed a hard gaze on him; one last warning that he would suffer if he hurt her daughter again. Then without a word, she returned to the path and disappeared into the trees at the edge of the yard.

* * *

More to come soon, I promise.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm afraid this is turning even more melodramatic than usual. But it couldn't be too simple for them or it wouldn't be Andith. Besides, I've left a string or two dangling. Let me know what you think, please.

* * *

Taking a deep breath Anthony watched Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham leave and then turned to the other side of the church yard from where he expected Edith to appear. It was another quarter of an hour before he saw her slowly making her way along the path. From her slow gait and her general deportment, he knew she was reluctant. His emotions froze him as he considered what that might mean. Then slowly, he walked the path to meet her.

As they approached one another she looked up at him, her eyes dark with circles under them. He thought she looked rather lost. "Edith?"

"I…I thought about it…everything you said yesterday…"

"Yes?" He waited for her to respond and when she didn't he continued. "I meant it Edith. I want to help you in this."

"Yes, of course you do; it is…so like you. But…." She looked away, sadness etched in her face.

"But?" He feared what that one little word might mean.

Desperation oozed from her eyes as she looked back at him. "I…I never thought…I mean, I always hoped that when I married it would be…"

He steeled himself for her answer. The way she was behaving, it had to be negative. "You thought what, Edith?" he prodded gently.

"I know my parents have not always …what I man to say is, they have had difficult times. But through it all, there was always…something; the way the look at one another even in the worst of times… I wanted my marriage to be like that and not just a marriage of convenience. Before, when we were…to be married, I thought…" she sighed. "It seemed you looked at me like that sometimes. I felt…adored. And I'm afraid that now, with everything that has happened that…that…"

"You want that still…adoration and you are afraid it won't be the case," he clarified.

"Yes." She seemed relieved that he understood.

Anthony, on the other hand, felt like an idiot for not fully expressing his feelings before. He scrambled to explain. "Of course you will be adored, Edith. The marriage will be under any terms you choose but I'm afraid I can't help but admire you, even if you dictate that it mush be at a distance. I over stepped propriety yesterday in many ways…but…when I kissed you, that was…unplanned. It was…impulsive; I _had_ to kiss you just then. I do adore you, Edith; I more than adore you; I love you with everything that is in me. I should have told you this long ago."

She looked at him wanting to believe him. But something held her back. He could see it in her face.

Looking over his shoulder towards Maude's marker, he sighed. "I was talking with Maude just before you arrived. Marriage agreed with me, you know; and I have been terribly lonely since she died. While I was in London I considered marrying someone, even tried my hand at courtship a little." His mouth quirked into a self deprecating smile. "I must say I am a bit out of practice. Or at least that's what I thought until I realized I wasn't having any success because I kept comparing those women to you and they all fell quite short of the mark. It was then I realized that I would never be happy with anyone else, Edith." He glanced back toward Maude again. "I cared for Maude deeply but I didn't love her when we married; it was something that grew between us, like a fondness for a favorite jacket… warm and comfortable." Looking back into her dark, questioning eyes, he explained. "I love you Edith; I have since those lazy rides in the car all those summers ago. I can't marry anyone else because I can't be with anyone else; not in the way married couples should be together. I want us to have that. But as I said, this marriage will be on your terms, if you'll have me. It will be whatever you decide you want it to be. If you want all the love and adoration I have to give, then I will give most enthusiastically. If you only want my name for you and the baby then I will be content with that… or anything between. Please Edith, let me see to your happiness, yours and your baby's. Let me help you and care for you." _And love you until m dying breath…_

"Why did you leave me?" she whimpered.

"I've explained all that…" Tears rolled down her face, her forlorn, broken face. "I left for all the reasons I've told you and… and it felt wrong… obscene for me to marry someone so much younger. But now I know…"

"Know what?" she asked as she looked at him hopefully.

"I know that the obscenity is throwing away a real chance for happiness for both of us. There is one thing I would like to make clear, however."

"What?"

"I don't want your pity, Edith. Not ever. If I ever truly need a nurse, then we will hire one. But you will be my wife, not my nurse."

She searched his face and seemed to find an answer to a question that troubled her. "You thought my love was some misguided need to take care of you, didn't you?"

"You told me it was," he replied frankly. "That night at dinner, the last one with your parents before; you said you didn't love me in spite of my injury but because of it."

"Oh." Her eyes widened. "_Oh!_ I'm sorry; I didn't mean it that way."

"I think you did. You relish caring for others, Edith…not necessarily in the physical sense but in other ways. You have a great deal of empathy. It is one of the qualities I admire in you but it is not something I want turned in my direction. Not in that way, at least...not by you"

"So you are saying I shouldn't care when you are hurt or in pain or sick?"

"Care yes but you must not sacrifice yourself of the altar of my injuries. It will weaken us both and end in unhappiness."

She looked at the path beneath them and sighed. "You want me as your wife…a real wife in every sense?"

Anthony gulped. "Yes. But if it asking too much…" He lost his voice as he watched her face; doubt, insecurity, and fear crossed her features.

Edith sighed. "Can I …can I trust you to follow through…. You won't back out again?"

Anthony twisted his neck uncomfortably. He felt so awkward and embarrassed. "I… I won't run away again," he replied meekly.

Edith looked around and then at the ground. Subconsciously she put a hand on her abdomen. It was a gesture Anthony recognized from Maude's pregnancies. The mother was thinking about the child. "I believe that isn't you intent," she finally said softly. Then looking up at him, her eyes meeting his, he saw her mouth twitch slightly. "I'm sorry," she said, causing his heart to plummet. Then looking straight ahead, into his chest, she continued. "I haven't an answer for you yet. I tried…it is all I thought about last night and I even spoke to Mama about it this morning because I was…am so confused. I want to believe you…to trust you. And I want the sort of marriage you described. I do believe you love me; I wasn't sure of that until now. But…will it be enough? Can we overcome the past? I just don't have an answer."

Regaining a little hope, Anthony nodded, although she didn't see it as she was looking down again. His left hand lifted to her chin and then gently he lifted her face so he could see her eyes. "Dearest, I can be patient while you decide. You've told me there is hope and that is more than I deserve. I'll remain at Locksley while you decide and when you are ready, we'll meet again and you can give me your decision. If you tell me you never want to see me again, I shall be crushed but I will understand. And if you tell me that you will have me, then I shall be the happiest man alive; nervous but extremely happy. I do love you, Edith and all I want is your happiness. I'll await your word."

She looked at him with tear filled eye and nodded. "Alright. I promise I won't …I'll decide as quickly as I can."

"Might I ask one thing of you?" he said gently.

"Yes?" she replied curiously.

"Might I have one more kiss? It will sustain me until your decision and if you decide it is the last kiss, then it will sustain me until my dying day."

A tear rolled down her face. "A kiss then…"

Salty tears flavored their kiss. Neither knew whose tears because neither had dry eyes. It was warm and sweet and Anthony tried to let it speak for his heart, hoping that Edith might understand. When they parted, he gave her a small smile. "Until we speak again then?"

"Yes…but soon," she replied and then turned to retrace her path. Anthony watched her until he could no longer see her and then turned to the trees at the edge of the graveyard. He was feeling so many things, disappointment and perhaps a little hurt, anger at himself for not following through three years ago and giving her reason not to trust him, fear was rising, and still hanging on in the bitter mix was a little hope. Leaning against one of the trees, he wept.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry about the delays. The computer is giving me serious grief. Hubby is working to fix the problems but that means the time I usually spend with fanfic is now the time the computer is in the OR. So posts might be spotty until he sorts out the difficulties.

* * *

Two days later Anthony heard a car pull to the front of his house. He hoped beyond reason it was Edith coming to give him her answer. He had been miserable since he saw her last and he didn't think he could endure much more.

There were sounds in the front hall before the door to his library opened and Lady Rosamund Painswick charged through, leaving his butler gaping behind her. "Lady Rosamund," Anthony greeted her politely, if somewhat curiously. He couldn't think there was much left to be said between them.

"Sir Anthony," she replied in kind. Anthony gave a nod to old Simmons and the butler retreated, satisfied that the master of the house would not be serving tea to his visitor.

"What an unexpected pleasure," he said as he backed into the room further, indicating that she should sit. She settled herself on the couch while he settled into a comfortable arm chair nearby.

"I sure it is," Rosamund replied coyly. "Cora told me that you have approached Edith with your plan."

"Yes, well…I…" he paused and looked at her intently. "How much does Lady Grantham know?"

"She does not know about the baby. She is very worried about Edith, however. The poor girl is quite upset. Neither of them has informed Robert of your proposal, knowing that he will be quite upset. But my mother knows; I felt it was safe to speak with her about it since she knows about the baby."

"She's quite against it, I'm sure," Anthony said dejectedly.

"Actually, she says it is worth consideration, much to my surprise. I thought if there was anyone who would help me convince Edith that this is an idiotic notion, I thought it would be Mama."

It surprised Anthony to hear that the senior Lady Grantham might actually approve or at least, not argue against him. Her whisperings in the church had been the final blow to his sagging confidence about marrying Edith in the first place. The irony struck a chord within him. "I must thank her then, if Edith accepts me."

"Oh Anthony, really. Why can't you see how ridiculous this plan of yours is? Edith is far too young for you, in a different place in her life."

"That was most likely true when I first courted her before the was but now… she has grown quite a lot and I… I've learned as well."

Rosamund scoffed. "Really? Anthony, she is almost twenty five years your junior. What could you possibly have in common?"

"Quite a lot actually…more than you might imagine; or at least we did." He sighed as he grasped the changes in Edith's interests that might have happened since he walked away from her. She'd lived a whole different life, after all. "How…how is she?" he asked nervously. "She seemed… distraught when I saw her last."

"As one might expect. She is still distraught. Anthony, give up this foolishness. Let her come to Switzerland with me and she can have the baby there. We'll find a good home for it and she can return and continue her life."

"She wouldn't be happy with that. It would always haunt her."

"You can't know that. Many women of our class have done the very same thing and never looked back."

"Yes, perhaps. But Edith could not," he insisted.

"Will you be reasonable!" she spoke so harshly it startled Anthony. Unsure of how to respond, he simply stared at her. After a moment, she took a deep breath and seemed to recover. "Once we are back from Switzerland, she can come to live in London. She likes it there, you know."

"I…I'm sure she does; London can be quite exciting. And Edith has found a vocation there with her writing."

"Do you really believe she could continue to do that if she were married and had a child?"

"If she chooses to accept me, then yes; I can assure you that accommodations will be made. I am willing to do whatever is required for Edith's happiness."

"Then end this; let her go."

Anthony studied Rosamund's face and thought there must be something more that was troubling her. "Why are you so persistent, Lady Rosamund?"

"Persistent?" She looked surprised. After a pause, the stared back at him. "I suppose I am. You have a history of disappointing Crawley women and I do not wish to see you continue."

"This…this is about you, about us all those years ago! But surely you realize that was a completely different circumstance."

"Is it? I…I loved you, Anthony, or I thought I did. And you…you just disappeared only to reappear with Maud…with not a word to me about why."

Stunned, Anthony's mind was reeling. "You loved me? Surely not. We were…are so different."

"Many happy marriages have differences. I knew we were different. You were so very quiet and bashful and I … was not. I had little time for books and you loved them. There were other things, still are I'm sure; but .your quiet nature was one of the very things that drew me to you."

Anthony wanted to be polite, he certainly didn't want to stir the hornet's nest but he couldn't see another way out. "Rosamund, we were too different. Your vivaciousness would have driven me around the bend and my quiet nature would have eventually set your teeth on edge. I felt it all those years ago, knew you would become bored with me, and so I … I did back away."

Edging closer to the edge of the sofa, she leaned forward. "Did you care for me at all?"

Meeting her gaze, he smiled his lopsided grin. "Rosamund, you were the most effervescent, charming, creature I had ever encountered. Like a moth to a flame, I was drawn to your sparkle and couldn't resist your appeal. Yes, I was quite taken with you and if I could have seen beyond our differences I would have asked for your hand. But I simply could not see a happy future for us. It has been my understanding that you were happy with Mr. Painswick. Why are you bringing up ancient history now?"

"I was happy with Marmaduke. But there have been times I've wondered if I wouldn't have been happier with you."

"Happy with me? Here in the country at Locksley most of the year? I hardly go to London, haven't for years. I like the quiet life here, Rosamund. But you would never be satisfied."

"Yet you are willing to go to London with Edith for her happiness?"

Not let his gaze waver, Anthony answered simply. "Yes."

She studied his face, looking at him thoughtfully. "You must love her very much," she finally said in resignation.

"As I have never loved anyone…"

Rosamund stood and Anthony did the same, assuming she was leaving. Instead, she turned toward him, reached up and pulled his head toward her, landing a very passionate kiss. At the same time, the door opened, the butler opening his mouth to announce another visitor. But the words never left his mouth. Instead, it was Edith's gasp and cry that alerted Anthony. Pushing Rosamund away he bolted for the door, charging into the main hall just in time to see Edith disappear through the outer door.


	8. Chapter 8

Anthony ran outside and caught up to her just as she was climbing in her car. "Edith," he gasped, struggling for air; shock, anguish, fear, and exertion all working to make him breathless. "Please, you don't understand…it wasn't… I didn't…" Her face was set, hard and angry…and hurt as she stared ahead, not speaking, not even acknowledging his presence. "Please Edith…" he begged.

Somewhere in the stunned fog of her mind, she heard him, heard his plea and his fear. And it was the fear in his voice that rallied her from her stupor. Slowly she turned to look at him, still feeling so many things that she was overwhelmed and empty at the same time. Vaguely she thought how frightened he looked, how worried. Somewhere in her mind she wondered why he would care when he obviously was so entangled with Rosamund. He would think it a better match, she thought wildly. They were of the same age. He had what he wanted, what his sense of propriety required. So why as he looking at her so… so imploringly?

He reached for her hand and took it in his. "Please, climb down. We need to talk. You came to talk to me, I'm sure. And I need to explain what just happened in…inside. Come with me; we'll stroll to the orchard and sit and talk. Please Edith, please…"

She was so staggered, too upset to argue, or even think, so she went with him. Neither said anything until they reached the trees and Anthony led her to a wooden bench beneath some of the oldest. She sat on the edge looking like a rabbit ready to flee. Kicking himself for allowing Rosamund to surprise him as she had, he eased down beside her, careful not to presume to sit too close. "Edith…"

She looked at him blankly, as if she were inanimate, a statue weathering a storm. "Edith, what you witnessed…Rosamund…she…she kissed me. It wasn't the other way around. I have no interest in her. We were talking about you. She was trying to convince me to …to abandon my offer and then she turned the conversation to when we were younger. I courted her briefly, you know. But I knew we would never make a good match, nothing in common really. But somehow in that short time all those years ago, she got it in her head that is was something more. And I suppose just now in the library….I suppose she was trying to prove her point. But her kiss meant nothing to me. Please believe me, Edith."

She stared at the ground the whole time he talked, listening and trying to understand what he was saying. The words flowed over her but she couldn't seem to take them in. He had kissed her aunt, who he'd loved years ago. Rosamund had told her about their courtship. He had the one he wanted now; Edith had seen it with her own eyes. With a broken sigh, she thought he must've only wanted her because she looked so much like Rosamund had all those years ago. Her mind was so full of her own thought, her own pain, that she didn't absorb Anthony's words at all. Finally she looked up at him, into his shimmering blue eyes that she so adored. Well if he wanted Rosamund, so be it, she thought. But he is going to know what he is throwing away, she decided in that instant. And so she flung herself at him, her lips landing precisely where her aunt's had been just moments before.

Anthony was unprepared for her onslaught. Without warning his arm was full of his beloved, her lips on his, begging and taking all in one kiss. At first relief swept through him but then he realized there was something wrong in her kiss. He tried to pull away but she held him tightly and assaulted his lips again. His hand went to her face, where he caressed her cheek, gently pulling away but hovering close. "Edith," he whispered.

She jerked away angrily. "Go back to her then."

"What? No. Did you not hear what I said? It was a mistake; a stupid mistake on Rosamund's part. Anything I felt about Rosamund died years ago. I don't want her, to be with her. And I certainly would never want to marry her!"

Edith flinched and blinked. "But you… in the library."

Anthony sighed. "My darling, she kissed me, caught me completely unaware. I didn't enjoy it, not one bit. All I was thinking was that I wanted it to be you. Edith, whether you agree to marry me or not, there will never be any other woman for me. It would be like exchanging rare pearls for colored glass; always a disappointment."

Finally she was able to take it all in and she began to understand. "You … you really want me?" Her tone was one of disbelief.

"I've always wanted you, my darling; ever since that first ride in my car. Do you remember? I do. I remember your excitement and your attentiveness and how kind you were to let me speak of Maud, even encouraged me to do so. It was such a relief. So many of my friends were awkward whenever I brought her up. But you weren't. You were interested. It was such a wonderful afternoon. You were so shy and a little awkward which set me at ease, since I am those things too. It was the most relaxing time I'd spent in….well, years. I knew then that …knew that I could love you. And now I can't imagine not loving you, my sweet."

Edith glanced away after taking in each and every word, drinking it in really. "I came to give you my answer," she said quietly.

"I'm almost afraid to ask, especially after…well, what just happened." He felt like his heart had a stone sitting squarely in it.

"I … I came to say… to tell you that.. I …" she looked up at him uncertainly.

"What my sweet?"

"Anthony, I can't…" she swallowed and looked at him but he couldn't read her expression. Holding his breath, he waited for her to continue…

"There you are!" Rosamund Painswick's voice cut through the silence between them.

Anthony kept his eyes on Edith as she turned to look at her aunt. "Yes, we are here. Anthony and I needed to talk," she said frankly.

"Really Edith, I tried to warn you…."

"Now just a minute," Anthony exclaimed as he rose from his seat to face her.

"He isn't for you, Edith."

"You seem to think he is right for you," Edith said as she stood as well.

"More right than for you. We are the same age and have a history." Anthony had to credit Lady Rosamund for her demeanor, looking regal in her defiance.

He felt the steam building in Edith, who stood next to him. Glancing down at her and then back at Rosamund, he chuckled. Both women looked at him as if he had two heads. "May I ask what you find so amusing?" Rosamund asked sharply.

"I'm sorry. It's just…never in my life have I had two women, such beautiful women at that, arguing over me. Quite good for the spirits, actually," he chuckled again. "But honestly Rosamund, I don't understand your interest in me so suddenly and the feeling is not mutual, I assure you."

"Don't be ridiculous, Anthony," she huffed.

Edith stepped closer to Anthony, slipping her hand through his arm and holding him. "You can be the first to congratulate us," she said happily. Anthony's head turned sharply to his love, happiness beyond belief washing through him. Rosamund's jaw dropped open. "Congratulate you?"

"Yes, we are to be married. The sooner the better, don't you think?"

Forgetting all about Rosamund, Anthony turned to Edith. "Really? You…you're accepting me?" She nodded at him gleefully. He swept her up with his one good arm and hugged her tightly before planting a very firm kiss and easing her back to the ground, his blue eyes shining with delight. "Oh my dearest darling, you've made this old fool the happiest of men."

Before Edith could respond, Rosamund laughed. "Old fool. At least you've got one thing right." But Anthony and Edith were too happy to let her words sting. Instead, they simply walked away hand in hand to plan their future together.

This time Anthony was not allowed to spend the night before his wedding alone. In fact, he was installed in one of the bachelor rooms at Downton Abbey several days before the wedding, where the entire Crawey clan could keep watch over him. But he didn't need it. He knew it was right, this time.

Three years, eight months, and twelve days after the first attempt Anthony and Edith were finally married. The wedding was a small affair and the party after was only family. The couple left that very day on their honeymoon. And when they returned some months later with an heiress, it was the Dowager Countess who looked across at her fuming son and chuckled. "I suppose we misjudged Anthony's virility after all."

"Considering the length of their marriage, I believe we misjudged more than that," he growled as he looked at the newest addition to the family. "Except for her mother's hair and eyes, she is the image of her father."

"Yes, she is," Violet Crawley said softly as she silently said a prayer of thanks that her son had been so unobservant. The resemblance between Michael Gregson and Anthony Strallan had been quite plain to any who took the time to look.

Edith, upon overhearing the exchange looked up at her grandmother gratefully. And when fours years, seven months, and twenty three days after Anthony walked away from her, the arrival of an heir was announced, Violet looked upon the face of her great-grandson and smiled. "He'll be every bit as handsome as his father."

"Yes he will, Granny," Edith said as she stood next to her. "And every bit as tall too, I hope."

Violet looked from her grand daughter to Anthony who was talking to Robert across the room. "Edith, I owe you an apology; you and Anthony both."

"Whatever for?" Edith wanted to know.

"I was opposed to his pursuit of you before. I thought he was too old for you. But seeing him now, seeing the two of you together; why, he gets younger each time I see him," she exclaimed brightly.

"Yes Granny," Edith said smiling. "He says I've taken years off of him; made him feel younger than he has since before the war. But I think it is just…"

"Just what?"

"He says he is happier than he has ever been; that I make him that happy, that he never knew what it was before, not really."

"What was before?"

"Love…true love." Edith said with a slight blush.

"Ah," the Dowager answered knowingly. "Yes…I understand," she said as her eyes settled on the man in question, her mind picturing another, her own true love. "Yes, I see…" Then patting Edith's hand lovingly she added, "then when the time comes, I hope you are left with good memories, just as your grandfather left me." Edith smiled, "without a doubt."

* * *

And that's all for this one, folks. I do hope you enjoyed. I have another in the works; it will be really different. And of course, Life Is A Journeyis still plugging along. Things are about to me more interesting over there too ;-) In the meantime, let me know what you thought about this one.


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